The Power of “No”

The most damaging messaging pushed out in modern dog training world is the whole “you must never say no to your dog” trope. In the interest of preventing our dogs from dealing with any hurt feelings, this common advice is condemning dogs and owners to extreme states of stress and frustration for extended periods of time.

Here’s the thing. If we were living in a vacuum that consisted solely of our dogs and us with unlimited time and no risk, I’m sure we could live our whole lives without the need to put our foot down and say “no”. But in this world where there are other animals and humans to be considerate of and life stuff to juggle, it’s just not realistic to expect most people to tiptoe around dogs shitty behaviour, ignoring it til it burns out or we’ve had time to train another more suitable option than what is often a well practiced behaviour by this point.

It’s also pretty damn unfair on the dogs (ironic) - often trapped in a vicious cycle of stress and confusion and restricted from doing cool stuff for extended periods of time when it could have been dealt with quickly with a solid “no”, getting the dog out of that cycle and able to move on to living awesome lives full of great adventures.

So heck yes. I will gladly say no to a dog and tell them to cut the shit where needed.

But the important part of this conversation is when and how we say no, and even more importantly - what are we doing next? This is the nuance that often gets lost when having the black and white “do we/do we not say no” conversation.

✅ Make it fair.

Have you set the dog up for success to the best of your ability by putting them in an environment they can actually handle at this stage? Are they physically and mentally capable of understanding what they should be doing? Have we reinforced the good stuff as much as possible? We’ve got to be doing our part first, and giving them the management and direction to be able to make appropriate choices. Having that in place eliminates the need for no in a lot of situations, which is why I am so passionate about owners seeking training help early on.

✅ Make it purposeful.

By saying no, what are we achieving? Are we coming from an emotional place wanting to “teach the dog a lesson” (not a good place to be doing anything with your dog in), or is there a specific behaviour we need to nip in the bud? Is it a behaviour that is actually going to be changed with a solid, drama free “no”, or are we creating friction for nothing? Your big feelings in the moment shouldn’t be driving your dog training decisions.

✅ Make it instant.

Correcting the dog for something that happened a minute or an hour ago isn’t going to change anything except confuse everyone. That ship has sailed my friend. If you’re going to stop something, it has to be sorted in the moment so they are actually associating it with the behaviour, or you need to move on. Timing is everything, another reason having a trainer involved is a really good idea when stopping a tricky behaviour.

✅ Make it meaningful.

The big trap people fall into is constantly nagging a dog with no results. It creates unnecessary conflict between you, damages relationships and leaves everyone more frustrated. When we say “no”, it is then followed through with meaningful consequences where needed - the word itself means nothing until you make it mean something. This could be as simple as removing access to something (eg our attention), or a more definite correction such as a leash pop. The behaviour should stop in the first or second goes, not on the 10th half hearted nag. Make it clear, make it meaningful, take the frustration out of it for everyone.

✅ Make it a stepping stone to better.

What do you actually want the dog to be doing in this moment, and what will it take to get them there? Using a “no” means don’t do that - but it doesn’t teach “do this instead”. Use the gap left from the “no” to shift you towards more productive things, and reward the hell out of what you DO want them doing next.

So yes you have my full support to take charge and say no to your dog when you need to. That’s the reality of the real world with so many moving pieces. But if you find yourself in “no” more than “yes”, please make sure you are reaching out for help to move things in a more positive direction.